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Best Open Real Estate
David M. Rubenstein Family Giant Panda Habitat
A multimillion-dollar crib with pools, indoor and outdoor spaces, and climbing structures could be the latest luxury apartment in DC. However, this spot is for a very specific tenant: our beloved pandas, the last of whom departed for China in November. The habitat is getting a pricey glow-up with new amenities, and it won’t be vacant for much longer. Incoming occupants Bao Li and Qing Bao are slated to move into the panda palace later this year.
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Best Reason to Keep Netflix
Love Is Blind DC
The dating scene in Washington gets a bad rap, but it’ll get national attention on future episodes of Love Is Blind. While the season has yet to be officially announced, the show’s signature golden goblets have been spotted around town for filming. We’ll be tuning in to watch area singles date in the pods, get engaged sight unseen, and then decide at the altar if they’re committed to “I do.” Plus, we’re already predicting some classic Washington dating stereotypes: Will there be a political plot line? Consultants running amok? A montage of bachelors and bachelorettes asking the stock DC dating question, “What do you do?” We’re preparing our watch-party bingo boards in anticipation.
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Best Local Social-Media Account
Washingtonian Problems
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A grab bag of aggregated local news and niche memes, the Instagram (@washingtonianprobs) and X (@washprobs) accounts are like a shared inside joke for the region. The profile started as a Tumblr in 2012, evolving into an Instagram presence with more than 400,000 followers, though the operator remains anonymous. On the feed, you’ll find silly posts about New Balance loafers and polls on favorite carryout spots alongside screencaps of serious news stories from local outlets. The high/low mix is a snapshot of the District’s distinct culture–not just a government city but a place where people actually live.
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Best Local Athlete to Watch
Ilia Malinin
The Summer Olympics kick off in July, but we’re still thinking about colder sports, thanks to Ilia Malinin, the record-breaking skater from Vienna. Capable of landing an ultra-complex quad–that’s a jump with four revolutions–Malinin proved his self-given nickname, Quadg0d, to be prophetic during the World Figure Skating Championships in March. The 19-year-old performed to the Succession theme, making history when he stuck six quads, including a clean quad axel–the only skater ever to do so. Four and a half rotations later, he landed some new fans, too.
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Best Hyperlocal Scandal
Red Bear Brewing Co. Trivia
Back in April, our city was rocked by a shocking breach of decorum and ethics: The reigning champions of Red Bear Brewing Co.’s trivia night were caught cheating. The charges? Using Shazam on an Apple Watch to nail the song-identification round. Disgusted tweets were sent. The Washington Post published an 1,800-word story. Washingtonians were appalled. In a town full of high-stakes political drama, a low-stakes scandal should be savored: trivia chicanery, allegations of parents stacking little-league teams, dog-park drama. Keep it coming, DC.
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Best Trolling
L. Louise Lucas
— L. Louise Lucas (@SenLouiseLucas) March 7, 2024
When Ted Leonsis and Glenn Youngkin launched their ill-fated attempt to move the Wizards and Capitals to an arena in Potomac Yard, there was a chorus of dissent. But no voice was more influential–or memorable–than L. Louise Lucas, the Virginia Senate finance chair. In true trolling fashion, the octogenarian took to X, mocking the deal through memes. Offline, the Portsmouth Democrat tabled bill after bill to fund what she dubbed the “Glenn Dome.” The plan collapsed in March, and Lucas got the last word, posting a Photoshopped Game of Thrones scene with her face and an ominous message: “Tell Glenn I want him to know it was me.”
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Most Absurd Pep Talk
George Santos on Cameo
Sometimes, one simply needs to be told it’s all going to be okay–especially in an election year. For just a couple hundred bucks (the exact price depends on the day), disgraced former congressman George Santos will do just that. On Cameo, Santos records personalized videos with such uplifting missives as “Live life, laugh, and let the haters hate” and “If you have haters, it means you’re doing something right, girl!” His drag persona, Kitara Ravache, is also hawking custom videos, despite Santos’s previous denials that the queen existed. Okay, sure, he’s a serial liar and accused fraudster. And he may not be the most credible messenger. But is he the most fun messenger? Absolutely, yes.
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Best Unifier
Stumpy
Some called him an underdog hero. Others, a living legend. But to most, he was simply Stumpy, our endearingly pathetic but ever-so-persistent cherry-blossom tree. The scrawny Yoshino–which somehow grew blooms on its meager branches–embodied “just doing your best,” even if that isn’t very much. But alas, news broke that even Stumpy would get the ax, along with about 150 trees at the Tidal Basin. In honor of his final season, devotees lined up to pay tribute, leaving roses and liquor at his roots. A professional trumpeter even played a dirge for sweet Stumpy. But our collective mourning wasn’t without a sliver of hope: Clippings from the tree will be propagated to grow new trees around the National Mall. To the outside world, he may have been just a stump, but to DC, he was Stumpy–the little cherry-blossom tree that could.
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Best Turnaround
Randy Clarke
There are universal gripes of city living that unite a population, and let’s face it, Metro is an easy target. However, something does seem to be changing lately, and credit goes to Metro’s ebullient general manager, Randy Clarke. He’s been on the job only two years, but his tenure has been transformative. Trains are running more or less on time, ridership is swelling, and infrastructure is improving across stations. In the process, Clarke himself has become something of a cult celebrity. He can be found riding the trains, glad-handing riders, and texting notes to Metro’s brass. With Clarke at the helm, Metro’s reputation is on the mend–and though there’s still a ways to go, there’s certainly less to grumble about.
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Best Public Bathroom
Throne Labs
Sometimes it feels like there are more Tattes than restrooms in the city. But the techy bathroom company Throne Labs, founded in Brentwood, has been opening portable facilities around the region, bringing more reliable places to go when you need to. The free toilets are currently operating in Oxon Run Park, Yards Park, Fairfax, Hyattsville, and Mount Rainier, and more are coming this summer. Scan a QR code with your phone or use a Throne Tap Card to gain access. Inside, you’ll find a cheery little loo adorned with fun wallpaper and equipped with touch-free toilets and sinks. The restrooms are surprisingly orderly–users leave ratings that shape cleaning schedules or trigger an immediate cleaning.
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Most Valuable Wizards Player Off the Court
Kyle Kuzma
The Wizards have a terrible record, but one player is gaining points outside the arena. Forward Kyle Kuzma signed a four-year deal to stay with the team last year, and he’s been planting roots in the community ever since. Through his foundation, Kuzma partnered with local groups to provide Ward 6 families with essentials and toys for Christmas. And as soon as the season ended, the baller opened Childhood Cafe with personal chef Joe Perez, slinging Pop-Tart lattes and monkey bread at 17th and U, Northwest. Not since Sean Doolittle have we been this buoyed by a sports star’s fandom for the city.
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Best Selfie Bathroom
Your Only Friend
location_on 1114 Ninth St., NW.
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Chris Waldrop spends a lot of time in the restroom. He’s the archivist behind the Instagram account @dc_bathrooms, posting the city’s most scenic lavatories since 2016. If you’re looking to snap a mirror pic with personality, Waldrop recommends the loos at the Shaw bar and sandwich shop Your Only Friend. Paying tribute to sandwich ingredients, the wallpaper in one bathroom is stamped with tomatoes, while the other is decked out in jars of Duke’s mayonnaise. “You can tell they have a sense of humor,” says Waldrop. “And clearly, they’re big, big supporters of Duke’s.”
This article appears in the June 2024 issue of Washingtonian.
