Yesterday GQ released a staggering list of “13 Manly Blankets That’ll Make Your Place Less Boring,” which featured a $1,600 wool and cashmere Hermes blanket–an item I can only imagine is owned by Chris Hemsworth, GQ‘s “Manliest Man in Hollywood.”
Frankly, I was surprised to hear real men needed blankets. I mean, if they’d made the rational decision to “Man Up to This Season’s 11 Best Shearling Jackets,” shouldn’t they be warm enough? Couldn’t they just inch a little closer to one of “The 6 Best Non-Girly Candles“?
Maybe these blanket-needing men forgot to layer under their suits, but I doubt it. It’s “The Manliest Way to Wear Pink.”
In fairness, it does get cold sometimes, sitting around listening to Ryan Adam’s 1989 on repeat, because, “Finally, a Manly Way to Enjoy Taylor Swift!”
Or maybe it’s from all the hair loss? Now that “It’s Okay to Wax Your Eyebrows” (okay for a man, obviously) and “The Manliest Way to Remove Your Ear Hair” has been perfected, the most macho among us are without much of their natural defense against the cold.
Thankfully, real men have options.  While the cheapest manly blanket will set a man back 60 bucks, the right snack can speed up his metabolism and make him warmer. Just make sure your groceries are manly enough. “Or Are You Still Eating Lady Foods?“
Amanda has contributed to Washingtonian since 2016. She has written about the right-wing media personality Britt McHenry, chronicled her night with Stormy Daniels, and come clean about owning too much stuff. She lives on H Street. She can be reached at [email protected].
